The thought struck me.

I was sitting on the green, surrounded by sunshine, a calm wind, and the buzzing of some curious bees. I had finished the final flick of the rough pages of the latest novel I’d absorbed, hugging it to my chest.

My stomach dropped.

I watched a security guard cycle past on the new bikes they had trained on; I remembered the friendly security guard who said hello to me as I worked at graduation. But why were they there?

The thought hit me like a bullet.

I had been in a large crowd full of happy students. A large crowd in a country where there have been numerous attacks on the public: mass killings, slayings, attacks, threats. Bombs, guns, knives.

Not to mention the everyday dangers that exist all the time: Buses, trams, trains. Tripping on the road in front of a car. Accidents; deliberate actions.

The bullet penetrated my brain and my heart joined my stomach in the inner turmoil.

Anything can happen and it can happen anytime. Rainy days, the future: what about the sunny days and the present? What about feeling? What about living? What about the point of life? Experience? What about now?

I don’t want to keep it in. I want to express. I want to live. I want to make mistakes and embrace my humanity. I want to learn, I want to love. I want, I want.

I want to embrace you and show you my love. I want to work through things, talk openly and honestly. I want to find solutions to problems, clear hurdles and navigate through treacherous waters with you. I want to come home to you and tell you how annoying you are. I want to kiss you and move with your body. I want, I want.

But the bullet hasn’t hit you. And I don’t know if it will. But still, I want.


Feature photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

previous post
next post

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Instagram

Instagram has returned invalid data.

Check out those sweet captions on Insta

Get new posts in your inbox

Want to get updates on my travel antics? Sign on up and each post will work its way into your email inbox.

Join 106 other subscribers.

Mate, who am i?

(I ask myself the same thing)

Travelling can be really hard when you never feel like you're prepared. But, the more I do it the more I realise that being unprepared is the best way to travel. I’m Rowena. I live with depression and an anxiety disorder, which inspires a lot of my writing. My first reaction is to over-pack, over-worry, freak out, and give myself a headache. I’m consciously rebelling against that.

Get $25 (AUD) free! Use booking.com through this link

Booking.com logo

Help a sister out: use my Airbnb referral code

Facebook

Copyright Rowena Grant 2018